Wednesday, July 3, 2013

How to Ruin a No Bake Dessert

Hi everyone and welcome to Maggi's Creative Craft Fail Corner where I provide the best tips, tricks and tutorials for failing spectacularly at any craft. Previously I taught you How to Set Your Microwave on Fire and How to Clog Your Kitchen Sink. In today's lesson, we're back in the kitchen and we're BAKING!!!!

Wut wut!

Okay, that doesn't really translate into the written word but basically I'm doing this:

I promise to never do that again.

Anyhoo, today we're ruining "Coconut Ice", which is just about the cutest, prettiest, shabbiest chic-est no bake dessert you ever did see. Isn't it bee-yoo-ti-ful?

Image Credit

This is a simple no bake dessert treat and when you take the time to mess it up correctly, it's sure to be a hit with your family and make your smarter, more literate friends green with envy.

Step 1

Read a Spring 2012 article in Where Women Cook about coconut ice and aprons. Decide that you will hit the ground running with the author's idea of sending coconut ice wrapped in pretty aprons to friends as gifts. Read this article online, not in print. THIS IS IMPORTANT. (See Step 3 for more information.)

Step 2

Envision your friends' delight and overwhelming gratitude at receiving your generous, amazing, gorgeous handmade gifts. Be sure to daydream about them throwing roses and praising your talents, this is important as it's the last time you'll feel good about your baking skills for at least 3 days.

Step 3

As stated in Step 1, read the article online. Make sure your printer isn't working so that you are unable to print out the recipe and have to write everything down. Doing this ensures that you write down the wrong measurements and forget half the steps in the recipe.

Step 4

Begin by mixing your ingredients together, making sure you do not use enough condensed milk. This is important as everything needs to be as dry as possible so that you cannot spread it in the pan. Next, it's time to color half the mixture to make those cute-sy poo layers, fun!

Step 5

The recipe says that you need to work fast to make sure everything doesn't dry out so use the gel food coloring, NOT the liquid. I've found gel coloring takes more work to knead into the mixture evenly and you really want everything as dry as possible for maximum crumbles. Also, gel coloring stains better than liquid:

Step 6

Get frustrated that your coloring is not mixing in evenly. Then, get angry because the layers aren't spreading into the pan smoothly. And finally, start cursing under your breath as things start to break apart before you're even finished (this applies to both the dessert and your mental health).

Ta da! 6 easy steps to ruining a no bake dessert! As a bonus step, get out your camera and take a fancy picture of your failure and shame:

It really couldn't be any easier. Thank you for joining me today on Maggi's Creative Craft Fail Corner! Please join me again next time when I will have sprayed myself in the face with an ink mister.


  1. I feel your pain and shame, this is from someone that made scotch eggs without removing the shell.

  2. LOL!!!! You crack me up! Sorry it was a fail! :)

  3. Hahaha, surely you are going to be putting these fails into a book?! I'd buy it!! Congratulations on your monumental fail :D


  4. You are too much...If you are going to forward. Dont give up baking. BTW, I read part of the post and thought you typed "make your friends green with gravy"...which made the post funnier to me. I love it when my brain mixes up words!

  5. Oh Maggi! I think we have all felt the shame of recipe fails. But you are brave in sharing them with us all! At least the colors were pretty! Was it at least tasty?

  6. Nailed it! You make me smile Maggi. :)